The AM

I hate that I get ideas for self portraits at 2, 3 or 4am.

I am so uncreative that when an idea does pop into my head I'm swallowed totally and I start planning and brainstorming and trying things out, oblivious to anything else.

But I can't actually get the idea going until it's light, a whole 10 or so hours after I've had the initial idea usually.

And by then I just want to get to the end result. I'm not feeling creative anymore and all I have to go by are the enthusiastic scribbles from the night before when I was so up for my crazy late night notion.


But anyway, I'm staying up all night tonight, so maybe I'll still have that feeling tomorrow - sleep won't have come and snatched it away as usual - turning me into my pessimistic, grouchy, closed, angsty, easily annoyed and frankly quite dull counter-part: Morning Grace.

Lately I've been getting up at about 1 or 2pm - the loss of an hour the other day didn't help - and it's my mum's birthday tomorrow so I'll make an effort. Well, you know, I would make the effort of getting up early but then I would become Super Morning Grace for most of the day and no one wants that on their birthday. Or anytime I shouldn't think.

Last time I did this I think I managed 38 hours of awakeness. It wasn't unpleasant, as such, just very strange. I didn't feel particularly tired or sleepy, only...floaty. The strangest hour was 8am, mainly because I hadn't seen that hour for so long, especially while still in my optimistic, happy, open, giggly, calm and somewhat simple night-time state.

Hm. It's only 2:33am. I want to just keep on typing.
I wonder what I'd end up typing if I did it straight for the next..say..6 hours.
I'd probably write a masterpiece.


Or a whole load of drivel.

Or a mixture of both.

I'm really quite surprised at how long I've kept this blog going for.

If monkeys were really tiny and lived in cities would they be considered a pest?

I wonder what The Queen had for dinner today.

If teleporters were real everytime someone used one they would have to be killed and an exact copy of themselves would be created and formed out of all the bits and bobs of the place they were going to.

I think it's ridiculous to be proud of something you haven't earnt.

God, I love fire.

I never really "get" art. Unless I'm told what I'm supposed to be "getting". I can't create art intentionally. If I draw something that looks half decent it's because I worked out exactly how I was going to do it beforehand or followed instructions.

Orange doesn't ever really work anywhere.

Well, maybe the 70s. But everything worked in the 70s.

Classical music engulfs me more than anything else in the world.

I can't stand sleeping in a double bed.

I don't quite know why I'm splurging all this or if I'll actually post this blog.

It's now 2:47am.

Hmph.

I only genuinely like and wish to be around about 12 people in this whole wide world.

Maybe I should tell those 12 people that.

One of them is Noel Fielding.

Anyone who gives me chocolate or a fluffy toy that's soft and cute will be loved forever by me.

I get very attached to soft toys that are soft and cute.

VERY.

There are at least 5 things in my bedroom that I'm quite terrified of.

I hope if a stranger is reading this that they will comment.

Even if it's to say "Wow..what a sad loser freak you are."

Because then I will know that there is someone in the world who thinks I am a sad loser freak.

And I'll know how it'll feel to know that there is someone in the world who thinks I'm a sad loser freak.

My mum said, for the first time ever, that I was showing too much flesh today.

If I ever write a play I will call it A Play on Words. No matter what it's about.

I have written plays actually.

When I was about 6.

In a shed.

On my dad's computer.

One was called, most originally, "The Cat, The Snake and The Lion"

Because they were the characters.

It had a moral and everything.

I sure am talking about myself a lot. To myself.

Trains are a good invention.

But I wonder what we would have instead if they had never been invented.

Like, if electricity hadn't been discovered, well not electricity itself..but using what we do to generate it, and instead using water and wind and stuff instead, the kind of world we would live in.

That was a poorly constructed sentence.

In 200 years time will the average human be 9 feet tall? And if so will that cause health problems that we don't have now?

I lied. Orange does work on this little fluffy dog Immi gave me.

Egypt was really really unimaginably hot.

As was Rome.

I keep thinking of how certain words originated from Latin words lately.

Heeey we're past 3am.

I often feel guilty about things I'm not even guilty of.

Like, whenever I saw a policeman when I was little I would get panicky.

I think athiests are silly and stubborn.

There has to be something, even if it's nothing like anything any human has ever come close to thinking of.

But I also think people who are heavily into their religion, particularly Christians who take every word of the Bible as 100% literal, are silly and stubborn.

I will live by the 10 commandments as best I can and take the rest as stories with morals and handy advice. Not that I've ever read it though..

I hope this has no spelling errors.

Beards are funny.

This is passing the time quite nicely.

For once, at this time of the morning, I don't have any weird cravings.

Although, of course, now I've said that I do.

Crackers. Buttery crackers. Ohhhh.

I shall truly admire and puzzle over anyone who may have read this and come this far.

This must be really boring to read.

My TV creaks a lot.

Should TVs creak?

The other day I was looking at the Tesco Direct catalogue and I found they'd put a 20 inch plasma TV as being £2.27.

I went onto the website and it was sold out and they'd changed the price to £299.

Yesterday night I was thinking how annoyed I'd be if my internet connection broke today and it did.

And I had a Katie Melua song in my head when I was brushing my teeth yesterday and when I came downstairs it was playing on the radio.

And no, I couldn't hear it from upstairs.

James Blunt can't seriously talk in that accent all the time, can he???

I get Winter Blues but I still like winter = /.

I think I should probably end this now.

But I don't want to.

I've been doing it for too long now.

I could do with some Lucozade Sport.

And those crackers.

I hate when people ask questions which, if they actually just took the time to think about for themselves, they could answer and thus understand so much better. Like......why clouds are white/grey but water is translucent.

I hate looking in mirrors when I'm with other people.

When I was little I thought Boyzone were called Boys' Own. Not like pwn kind of own but as in something that belongs to the boys. And I always wondered what it it was that was their own.

The lack of others' logic and general common sense used to puzzle me as well. It still frustrates me a fair bit now.
Like when I was in year 2 and the teacher asked how you would measure the length of something that was curved. I was very shy (Hm, well, still am) and didn't put my hand up, I just expected someone else to get it. But I was confused as to why people were saying things like "You could get a ruler and measure one part and move it around to the next part and measure" and such. After a while my frustration must have overtaken my shyness and I put my hand up and said you could just get some string, put it over the curve and then straighten it out and measure that.

Gosh. I've reverted to talking about me again.

It's 3:33am.

I just know I'm going to regret posting this in the morning (if I do).

But only momentarily.

I love grey clothes.

Is Who Wants to be a Millionaire still around?

I always hated that. It made me depressed.

This must be really long by now.

I do wish I had someone to talk to other than myself right now.

I think I'll go and watch something. Or read something. Just find some other means of entertaining myself.

That wasn't supposed to sound dodgy. I do apologise if it did.

Not that anyone will have read this far.

Bye now.